Obviously I do not hate being a mom! My baby is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I feel like being a mom is the most rewarding and special thing I could ever be doing!! I know I am meant to be a mom and have always wanted a lot of kids!
There is one part that I do HATE that I have been experiencing a lot lately...and that is WORRYING!!!! I feel like the most paranoid, worried person on the planet when it comes to my baby and the anxiety really makes me crazy! Here is a for instance.....
Last Thursday everything was totally normal and fine all day and night, then randomly at 5 am I BURST (literally) out of bed to the sound of a horrible cough, choking sound..I rushed out of the room threw open Dylan's (my baby) door, completely panicked, grabbed him and ran into my room and just set him by my husband and continued to freak out! He had a croupy like cough but sounded like he had a hard time breathing, I Always assume the worst (Which is problem #1) instead of assuming it's just a cough. I grabbed the phone and called my mom! To make a long boring story short I filled the bathroom with steam to clear his throat and had the longest weekend of my life frantically worrying about this cough! I DREADED going to sleep at night and one night put him in our bed so I would be close to him!!
Of course that first morning the front page of the news paper is RSV spreading through the valley..and I couldn't stop thinking about that! We were just waiting for his insurance to go through so at the time he wasn't covered, he really wasn't bad enough to take to an urgent care, which is the point of this post! It's not like he had anything terrible (I read forever online and called some nurse friends and came to the conclusion it was just the croup and NOT RSV) he was pretty okay during the day and he could breath just fine, but it was the fact that I FREAK out soooo easily!!! I was just driving out to my parents sometime in the midst of the cough stuff and just wanted to cry because of how worked up I get! When I talked to people they are like oh he will be fine don't worry it's probably just the croup, so then why can't I look at it that way? Why is everything so much scarier with your kid? If it happened to someone else I knew I would be saying the same thing... he is fine, not a big deal! I HATE to think what I would be like if something serious actually happened!
I've always been the type to separate myself from others in pain, anytime I had a sick pet I could hardly look at them, I had to stay away till they were better. Of course, I wouldn't just walk away from my sick child but I do just want to hand him to my husband and not look till he's all better, I know if I am alone I can find the strength to do whatever he needs but no doubt lose it later!
Anyways this is getting long I just wanted to kind of talk to some people who probably know exactly what I mean, all being moms yourselves! I have always wanted a lot of kids but I'm afraid of multiplying the amount of people to worry about, or does it get better with experience and practice? I just want to be stronger and have more faith that everything is fine! Again it was not that big of deal but it was such terror for me! I always think of the worst outcome and I need to know how to NOT think that way!!! Thanks for letting me vent!! I hope I'm not the only crazy paranoid mom out there:)... It really is painful to love something so much huh!?! But definitely the best thing in the world:)