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2.26.2010

I hate being a mom........ keep reading!!

Obviously I do not hate being a mom! My baby is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I feel like being a mom is the most rewarding and special thing I could ever be doing!! I know I am meant to be a mom and have always wanted a lot of kids!
There is one part that I do HATE that I have been experiencing a lot lately...and that is WORRYING!!!! I feel like the most paranoid, worried person on the planet when it comes to my baby and the anxiety really makes me crazy! Here is a for instance.....
Last Thursday everything was totally normal and fine all day and night, then randomly at 5 am I BURST (literally) out of bed to the sound of a horrible cough, choking sound..I rushed out of the room threw open Dylan's (my baby) door, completely panicked, grabbed him and ran into my room and just set him by my husband and continued to freak out! He had a croupy like cough but sounded like he had a hard time breathing, I Always assume the worst (Which is problem #1) instead of assuming it's just a cough. I grabbed the phone and called my mom! To make a long boring story short I filled the bathroom with steam to clear his throat and had the longest weekend of my life frantically worrying about this cough! I DREADED going to sleep at night and one night put him in our bed so I would be close to him!!
Of course that first morning the front page of the news paper is RSV spreading through the valley..and I couldn't stop thinking about that! We were just waiting for his insurance to go through so at the time he wasn't covered, he really wasn't bad enough to take to an urgent care, which is the point of this post! It's not like he had anything terrible (I read forever online and called some nurse friends and came to the conclusion it was just the croup and NOT RSV) he was pretty okay during the day and he could breath just fine, but it was the fact that I FREAK out soooo easily!!! I was just driving out to my parents sometime in the midst of the cough stuff and just wanted to cry because of how worked up I get! When I talked to people they are like oh he will be fine don't worry it's probably just the croup, so then why can't I look at it that way? Why is everything so much scarier with your kid? If it happened to someone else I knew I would be saying the same thing... he is fine, not a big deal! I HATE to think what I would be like if something serious actually happened!
I've always been the type to separate myself from others in pain, anytime I had a sick pet I could hardly look at them, I had to stay away till they were better. Of course, I wouldn't just walk away from my sick child but I do just want to hand him to my husband and not look till he's all better, I know if I am alone I can find the strength to do whatever he needs but no doubt lose it later!
Anyways this is getting long I just wanted to kind of talk to some people who probably know exactly what I mean, all being moms yourselves! I have always wanted a lot of kids but I'm afraid of multiplying the amount of people to worry about, or does it get better with experience and practice? I just want to be stronger and have more faith that everything is fine! Again it was not that big of deal but it was such terror for me! I always think of the worst outcome and I need to know how to NOT think that way!!! Thanks for letting me vent!! I hope I'm not the only crazy paranoid mom out there:)... It really is painful to love something so much huh!?! But definitely the best thing in the world:)

4 comments:

Evelyn Perkins said...

You are soooooo not the only crazy paranoid mom out there. I have three kiddos and I still get incredibly anxious when something happens to one of them. No matter how trivial. You do learn to relax and roll with the punches some, but these are your precious little ones. YOU are responsible for them and you need to have some urgency when it comes to things like getting sick or hurt, etc. I think our mothers' generation thinks we are a bunch of "book moms" with little common sense and of course I disagree. You are a great mom! You may need to take a few deep breaths and relax a bit, but you are doing great. You are BEING a MOM! Keep it up!

Hoenes Family said...

You are definitely not alone. I feel the same way and I have two kids. Although I must say I am MUCH more relaxed the 2nd time around and yes, it does get better with experience, so don't stop having kids if worrying is your reason for not! You are doing a great job. I still freak out every time I heard my girls cough. I HATE sickness. It is miserable for all involved. I have pure anxiety every time my kids get sick, but it really is getting better. It also helps a lot as they get older, it is not near as bad as when they are helpless infants. Hang in there!!

Traci said...

It's because we love them SOOOOO much! Harley was just sick with a cough, ear infection and some thrush. I HATE it when she's sick at all!

Shalee said...

Kiera...you are not alone!! I am also stressed out beyond belief when my kids get sick. My biggest fear when they are learning to eat solids is choking.

I agree that we need to be our children's advocates and sometimes that means being much more cautious than anyone else. I think it is always safer to err on the side of caution.

I will say that as they get older and can communicate with us better then I have relaxed much more. I've only been a mom for 5 years but I have learned from different situations when to become more stressed and when to realize that with a warm bath and lots of cuddling they'll be ok. I used to take my kids to the dr at the drop of a hat but now I realize that I can nurse them at home for a few days and they'll start to get better (when it isn't something serious.)

When my first was born I was completely terrified of SIDS (I still am with babies)and I couldn't sleep when we brought her home from the hospital. I remember asking my husband to give her a priesthood blessing so she would sleep safely. I think the priesthood can be a huge blessing when our little ones are sick...and they can also be a huge blessing when we as mothers need comforting or counsel.

The fact that you're worried shows that you love your son and that you are a great mom! Good luck!