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2.08.2010
Tricks of the Trade: The "Talk"
My question is regarding the dreaded "birds and bees" talk. We have two 7 year old boys and are facing this discussion soon. I can't believe it is time already, but kids are growing up faster than ever, and I want to be the number one information center for my kid. They pick up so much from school and the TV. So, when is the right time to have a discussion about sex, and how much should we cover? Anyone out there done this yet and have any tips to make it easier and less horrifying for us all?
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7 comments:
Good question! Although I have NO advice...I am curious to hear what others have to say.
Really good question that I've wondered about a lot. I mostly just want to be the first one our kids hear it from, but I don't want to scare them to death (I remember having the talk with my mom really, really young - I think I was 5 - and being pretty confused and disgusted). One thing that I've heard is that while you're talking about it it's good to keep asking the question, "do you want to learn more or talk about it another time?" That way they can at least control the information a little bit. Good luck and I can't wait to hear what people say!
Honestly I talk about it as it comes up. My oldest girl and I have already had the 'talk' because she asked and so I answered. But I try not to give more information than what they want. If they are asking about what their body parts are I talk to them about it, but when she asked, 'mom what is sex... really?' well then I told her. She has since asked some fairly specific questions of the hows and those are a little more interesting because I feel slightly uncomfortable explaining the mechanics, but I try to be the responsible adult with a very intellectual tone.
My 7 year old son has just started asking questions about his body and while I answer some I generally refer them to his dad. Like when he was in the bath and said 'mom it feels like I have these two tiny balls inside here, what are those?'
I said, "Honey! Your son wants to talk to you."
I wouldn't give them more than they need. But I have read that the best age to tell children is 8, that's when their minds are most ready to receive the basic information.
And as long as you are unembarrassed (and do it in a private setting... not an en-masse family meeting) it shouldn't be to uncomfortable.
Dreaded is right! I am not looking forward to this at all and luckily I have a few years left to fret. I never got this talk growing up but I do remember an awkward conversation I had with my married brother when I was 18.
I feel like it is really important to talk to them so that they feel comfortable coming to you with questions. And I do believe that it is important to be frank and clear with your children when they do ask you questions.
Otherwise I am going to be a stuttering fool...but I am grateful for all of the advice that has been shared so far!
Ahhhhh!!! I'm still trying to figure it out myself! haha, j/k.
I have no idea how I'll even begin to answer questions. I learned everything from my sisters and friends, and felt totally awkward the night before my wedding when my mom said "Do you have any questions?" I just about fell off my chair. No thanks mom, not at 21 years old.... that conversation should have happened like 10 years earlier.
I have two boys, and I think the most important thing I want them to know is what chastity means to a girl, and the respect they should have for girls and future wife. Sex is pretty basic and but gets so much attention, usually not the good kind. So, I want my kids to not get the worldly view, just the talk from us as parents.
For girls, there is great book called "The Care and Keeping of Girls" It's an American Girl doll type book and it explains EVERYTHING for girls....from how to shave your legs and armpits to wearing pads and putting in a tampon, as well as sex. I wish there was something like that for boys......
yikes, i also haven't crossed this bridge yet. but when you do, let us know how it goes!!
I am not at this place in my life so I am not sure what to say to my little girl when the time comes but I do know that on the first day of school my husband told his 6th graders he would answer any question they had. He let them write their questions down and passed the box around, every single question was about sex. So, if you aren't willing to be open and honest, they are going to look for the information elsewhere.
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