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4.09.2009

Just lookin' for some experienced mommies' opinions!

Well since my only child is just 4 months old and I wasn't blessed with the natural ability for crafts or cooking, I feel bad I don't have much to contribute to the mommy blog just yet. Which is why I love this blog because it is really helpful for people like me that aren't experts at the mommy thing, I just wish I had something to share. Hopefully I do soon but until then I will probably have a few questions I just need advice on, hope that's ok!

Anyways I'm just curious what everyone's opinions are on how much time to wait between babies!
Obviously everyone has different opinions and has done it differently, but i'm just curious why people wait however long they wait! my husband and I always planned when to have our first but never talked about the rest after that, I kind of always figured to wait 2 years.
Well we have our first and he is such an angel baby, he is SUCH a great baby, we really got so lucky with him. SO on the one hand I'm thinkin WOW this is such a blast he is so easy yada yada I can have another one right away and I wouldn't have a problem with that.. THEN I'm like wait.. he is too good there's NO way we will have 2 like this..our second will be so different and probably harder (especially with one already). So maybe it's still best to wait a couple years!
I have also heard 18 months is a good distance and most people that have them close like that love it! If anyone has any advice on the matter I'd love to hear it:)
Just curious what others have done and whether they would do it that way again or not!

12 comments:

Anna said...

My first two are 21 months apart my 2nd and 3rd will be 27 months apart. I love having my first two so close together, my third isn't born yet so I'll have to let you know if I should have spaced them more. :) (all girls) But my first two are best friends, they love each other so much. And having 2 is no harder than having 1, especially when they are doing the same things anyway. My husband and I get pregnant very easily, with our second and third, we just felt like we could handle another one and decided to get pregnant, and were pregnant by the end of the month. I guess we like them about 2 years apart. My husband has said that he'd like to be done having children by the time we are 30, we'll see if that happens, but that way we'll still be young when they move out of the house.

Janalee said...

First of all, medically they say that it takes a year for a woman's body to heal and recover after having a baby and it is suggested that she wait that long to get pregnant again. My first 2 are 22 months apart and it worked out well for us. The third (now 2 weeks) is 33 months from the second. I think a lot of the age differences could depend on the personalities of the older kids. My first is VERY independent and I was baby hungry the day we came home from the hospital with her. She wanted nothing to do with me and for my first it was quite a shocking realization that not all babies are cuddly and easy. My second was exactly that - a cuddly mommy's girl. So 33 months gave her enough time to not be a baby any more.
My thought is you should enjoy the baby months because they go by so fast and you might miss it if you're sick and hormonal. Then when the baby bug bites, stop your birth control and see what happens.

Rachael said...

My two are 17 months apart. Obviously, I would never change them but I wouldn't suggest or encourage having babies that close together to any of my friends. Here are my reasons why
1) I do not think my oldest was ready AT ALL for a little sibling, I think it was a huge shock to him that not only was there a new little person in the house that took a lot of attention, but that I was so sick while I was pregnant and not the "normal mom" I usually was. I feel like we are still dealing with some resentment issues.
2) It wasn't until my youngest was about 15-18 months that I felt like I was getting back to "normal". I am a pretty active mom, and have a little OCD in me and not being able to keep a really clean house, have a regular schedule, get out of the house regularly, ect. was really hard on me and the kids.
NOW...let me say this. Now that our boys are older, they are bestest friends. They love playing together, being together, and they watch out for each other. But, my brother and I are 4 years apart and we were also really close growing up, and we didn't fight as much as my two boys do...so I don't know.
Another thing is our youngest will be 3 in September and so obviously we have waited to have another one. I will say that I have LOVED spending time with me and the boys with no pressure of having another baby. I feel that I really enjoy them and can give them all of me and not be so overwhelmed. It has been great. I also feel like I am now at a place where the thought of another baby is pleasurable and not stressful.
So yeah, there is my 2 cents! It is just my opinions and observations, and different things work differently for every family.
Good luck! :)

Cassi said...

Well I'm sure you already know my opinion but 2 years has been perfect timing for us. I think 2 grades apart in school and primary is great! They are still close together but not too close. But no matter what the timing, it can work out. You can have a close family no matter what the spacing is and kids will fight no matter what the spacing is! :)

Plus I want you to have one sooner than 2 years so we can be pregnant together! haha

Although I will say... 2 was not the same as 1 for us! 1 was SO easy. I could sleep when he slept, he was a good baby, easy to take places, etc. And when I had my second it was a shock, and not because she was hard but because now you have all those baby needs on top of a busy toddlers needs... and the toddler knows how to yell and run (and running after a toddler while carrying a baby carrier is HARD!) haha.
But the even bigger shock came when I had my third! Now my arms are outnumbered and I haven't figured out how to run in 3 different directions at once yet! Luckily they do get older and better at following directions. Parker is good about listening and not running away anymore! :)

Ok... long comment over!

Mama Nut said...

We wanted to wait a year until we got pregnant again after our first. It worked out great for us. The boys are very close, and buddy-buddy. For our third we were planning for there to be 3 years between the 2nd and the next. But recently we started feeling like it was time (6 months earlier then we originally planned). I think the best advice I can give you -- whenever YOU are ready. A mom always knows when it is time. The feelings start coming, the hunger to hold another baby. It is such a natural feeling for us mothers. Don't worry too much about what the other child will think and go though, because children are SO unpredictable! I thought my oldest would torture the baby, but he couldn't stop loving him! So talk to you husband, listen to your heart, and if you are ready... go for it!

Also, don't feel like you don't have anything to contribute. We ALL have something to give. Even if it is just a funny story, something you learned, or like this post seeking advice. You never know who is out there that needs to hear what you have to say!

Steven said...

..This is Kiera (I just realized it's under my husbands account but if I switch it my comment will be erased!)
WOW I really really appreciate all this awesome advice!! I love hearing other moms stories and experiences, they are all helpful, and interesting! Thank you so much! Sounds like it works out no matter what, that's nice to hear, it's weird cause before you have your first it feels like you have all the time in the world to decide, but once they come its like..gotta keep the family going haha! Sounds like having the first 2 closer and then a little gap is a popular way to go also:) Thank you everyone all your comments really help!

Shannon said...

After our 1st I always said we would wait until he was 2 before we started trying. Besides, you're supposed to wait 2 years for your body to heal after a c-section, I like to follow the rules. LOL. So birthday #2 came & it took almost a year & a half to get pregnant. My plan was 2 years but Heavenly Father had different plans. They are 2 months shy of being 4 years apart. I think it's fine. It's nice because when the older one is at school, I have time with my 2 year old. They love to play together too. Whatever you decide is best & then you just go with what happens.

Shalee said...

My first two are 21 months apart and it was what worked for our family. I think the best advice people have given is that you have to do what is best for you and your family. I felt a lot of guilt during my second pregnancy for being tired and sick...and although the first year was challenging I really love having 2 closer together. I've heard it said that it's easy to decide to have 2 children but the decision to have 3 is a lot harder. I have really enjoyed being "normal" (not pregnant or nursing) for the last year and being able to have a more steady routine. Good luck making the decision!

One last thing, as obvious as this sounds, I really think that prayer helps a lot when making these life-changing decisions. Heavenly Father knows us and I know as we counsel with him as husband and wife he really will help us know what is best for our family.

cannwin said...

Well, I can tell you that my two oldest are 1 year and 2 days apart and 7 years later my body still isn't the same. It really took it's toll on me to do that (it was unintentional). But they have a very close relationship and I think they were aiming for the same day (she was a week late, he was a week early). After that there is a huge gap nearly 6 years between my two boys and I hate to see my littlest one without a playmate. He gets stuck at home with me while everyone he loves goes off to school and that's really hard on him, even at 2.

Plus my pregnancies since then have been a lot rougher. I've had Anemia with all but one and these last two babies have been a real trial to carry... I told my doctor that I can just feel my body getting weaker with every pregnancy. She said that I needed to take that into consideration when planning how many kids I want.

So I think I would counsel anyone having babies to not have them as close as my first two...

The Paynes said...

My first two are 19 minutes apart. Try to avoid that if possible, it's pretty rough! Ok, after the twins we wanted the next to be two years later but a miscarraige delayed that and they are 3 yrs apart, which is just fine. Probably saved us all. #4 snuck in there just 21 months later and that was hard on me as I am out of hands and they were all home and try taking the oldest to preschool with 2 little ones and then having to go right back 1 1/2 hours later to pick them up. So chaotic. If you have the patience, go for it. I know women like that. No matter what, you adjust to what you have to and you get through it. Word of warning though, if #1 was a good and easy baby, #2 will not be! Murphy's law.

cannwin said...

lol I can agree with that. My #2 is still difficult... but Erika do you mean you're #2 as in 19 minutes later #2? How are your kids anyway!? How are you? I can't subscribe to your blog... or something, it doesn't allow me to get your feeds. Grrr.

Kiera said...

wow so many good stories, you really can learn from other peoples experience's! Thank you so much! haha I'll try to avoid the 19 minute thing for sure:).. I'm paranoid about this murphy's law though, thanks! jk.. Sounds like its fun to have them close but pretty tough mentally and physically to have them too close together, i'm sure they will just come when the time is right but its so nice to have good advice when talking about it with your husband or just thinking about it so thank you! Prayer of course is always key:)